


Lonley

by accio_insanity



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Family, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 17:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accio_insanity/pseuds/accio_insanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were days when Gavin loved his job unconditionally but then there were days when Gavin hated his job to the pit of his very soul. It had taken him weeks of sitting on his own at lunch breaks to figure out just why he felt this way: the days when Gavin felt worst were the days that Michael spent with Lindsay Tuggey. Gavin now regretted ever encouraging his best friend to talk to her because all of a sudden it meant that he was alone. No, not alone. Lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confession

There were days when Gavin loved his job unconditionally. He loved playing videogames for a living, he loved working on a desk right next to his best friend, he loved being able to annoy his friends in game and out and get away with it and, as much as he tried to deny it, he loved losing the Let’s Plays right at the last second.  
But then there were days when Gavin hated his job to the pit of his very soul. He was sure he was the most hated of the entire team, he was sure that even Michael was beginning to become tired of him and all his shit and, more than anything, he was sure that he didn’t fit in here. It was on these days that he missed England the most. Sure, he’d probably still be stuck doing some shitty job for a living but he might fit in like he was supposed to.  
It had taken him weeks of sitting on his own at lunch breaks to figure out just why he felt this way but the jigsaw had eventually clicked into place. The days when Gavin felt worst were the days that Michael spent with Lindsay Tuggey.  
Neither of them had really talked to her until Michael decided that she was “pretty cute”. Before that she was just “the redhead with a fringe that worked in the same building”. Gavin now regretted ever encouraging his best friend to talk to her because all of a sudden it meant that he was alone. No, not alone. Lonely.  
The silence between the two friends grew thick from then on. Michael spoke to Lindsay more and Gavin kept silent, scared that he was standing in a minefield that could be set off by just one stupid comment. The Let’s Plays grew more and more silent with Ray not managing to spark conversation in the Lads and the older Gents unable to pull reactions from their opposing team. The Let’s Plays lost views because of the silences that too often turned more awkward than they were boring from their lack of what the fans referred to as “Mavin”.  
Nothing was said of the two weeks of silence until Geoff decided to hold Gavin back after work for a Let’s Build.   
“I’m not fucking setting up all the wiring if it’s going to be like last time,” Geoff grumbled as he thrust a beer to Gavin and dropped himself in Michael’s chair to boot up minecraft. It always worked better when they could see what the other was doing.  
Gavin barely remembered the last one, he’d been drunk before they started and blind by the end, but he could remember not being able to move even an inch because he was basically chained in by wires he wasn’t even sure were necessary. He twisted the cap off the beer and took a long swig.  
They were about an hour in when Gavin got a text from none other than Lindsay Tuggey.   
“Hey Gavin, Michael’s birthday is soon right? You know him better than I do, what do you think he’d want?”  
Gavin stabbed his phone into his desk with enough force to leave a tiny dent in the soft wood, nothing compared to the holes beneath his equipment. Unfortunately, his little flash of anger didn’t go unnoticed by Geoff.  
“What’s the matter with you?”  
Gavin froze, running with the coolness of distress and the heat of enmity. Should he tell Geoff? In all honesty the man was like a father to him. So what was stopping him? Maybe he feared that Geoff would leak some of what he said to Michael. Maybe he feared that Michael would hate him more. Maybe he feared that Michael would agree. He wanted his best friend to be happy, didn’t he? And Lindsay made him happy, right? So why should Gavin have the right to be so unhappy about it?  
“I can’t, we’re recording,” He huffed in relief, having found his escape.   
There was a few moments silence where Geoff placed another row of blocks or two before he rebutted, “We’ll edit it here and just skip everything. I’m not fucking having you sulking this entire time.”  
Gavin sighed again. “I just got a text from Lindsay.”  
“Michael seems to be getting along well with her. Maybe we’ll have an office romance soon,” he pondered aloud, optimism in his voice. He instantly regretted voicing his thoughts with Gavin’s whining huff filling the room. He took a large swig of beer. “Oh…” Geoff sighed as the cogs in clicked into place, “Fuck, Gavin. I never thought you were interested in her, she didn’t seem your type.”  
“She’s not. I mean, do you even know ‘my type,’ Geoff?”  
Geoff spun around in his chair to face Gavin more directly. He cocked his head to the side slightly in curiosity. Gavin sighed and dropped his controller onto the only free space he could find and stared over Geoff’s shoulder at the Mogar figurine and kept his eyes fixed there.  
“You’re such a pleb. How many girls have I ever brought home? Or have you ever heard me mention that you can prove exist.” He dragged his gaze from the figurine to take in Geoff’s face, part of him hoping that Geoff understood and the other part hoping that he didn’t.  
Geoff took a moment to think back through all the time he’d known Gavin. He’d heard of past girlfriends and the occasional broad he’d met at bars on the rare occasion he went out by himself but he’d never even seen a picture of one, let alone seen one in person.  
“None… Fuck Gavin, I never would have picked you to be the gay one.”  
“Yeah, you would.”  
“Yeah, I had the thought but I never took myself seriously. I mean, Griffon and I placed bets for a laugh and it all sounds so insensitive now. But if it’s any consolation, I’m proud of you for coming out to me. And it doesn’t change anything.”  
Gavin didn’t reply, he just watched Geoff’s face as it stayed as fatherly and loving as it always did when it came to situations like this. It was part of what he liked most about Geoff; at work he was tough and manly but when it came to it, he took off the façade and became so soft and understanding.  
The brief silence was broken by another screech from his phone. Hesitantly he flipped the phone over and unlocked it. “Michael.”  
“What’s he want?”  
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, locking his phone again and slamming it back onto the desk.  
“Alright,” Geoff conceded. It was only temporary, he always came back eventually.  
Gavin was oddly grateful for the silence between them, the only noise to be heard was the hum of hardware and the click of each set block but then again, each time he glanced down at his phone was like a knife to the heart. A silent tear trickled from the very corner of his eye and down the contours of his nose. A single tear was followed by another and then, as he panicked, another and another.  
Geoff didn’t notice a thing until Gavin allowed the inevitable sniff he’d been pushing back into his throat to bellow through his nose, a little louder than he’d expected.  
“Fuck, ‘it doesn’t matter’ my ass,” Geoff pushed out of his seat and swiped a wad of tissues from a box across the room. “It doesn’t matter? Of course it does,” he shoved the tissues into Gavin’s chest. “Tell me, Gav.”  
Gavin shook his head and let another salty tear course down the rapidly growing river down his cheeks. He scooped the phone into his lean fingers and tossed it with feign disinterest.   
Geoff stared into the short text under Michael’s name. The words were plain and simple but no less important.   
“Gav. I need advice. Thinking of proposing to Lindsay. Any ideas?”  
“What do I do?”  
Geoff’s eye contact became intense, bordering on intimidating. “I’m not sure they is anything you can do, buddy. Look, I’ve never really had this issue before but when you love somebody it’s either the best thing in the whole universe or the absolute worst.”  
“You don’t understand, this last year has been nothing but hell for me. He’s been off with her all happy and whatever and I’m just here. It’s all just bang out of order.” His last words turned into something of a wail.  
“Fuck it, we’re not doing this,” he said saving and quitting minecraft, “The guys can wait for that Let’s Play. You’re more important right now. Delete the footage too.”   
Gavin followed Geoff’s orders without hesitation. There was no way he was letting his frankly stupid feelings get heard by somebody else.  
“Geoff, can we go home?”  
“Yeah buddy.”  
. . .  
They’d stopped off at the Chinese shop down the road from Geoff’s place and picked up some food before they returned home to be greeted by Griffon and Millie.  
“I thought you two were filming tonight?”  
“Change of plans,” Geoff said carefully with a slight nod to the young man hiding shyly behind him.  
Her light eyes scanned over Gavin. He could feel her reading his body language and already assuming what was going on. Geoff and her had taken bets after all.  
“Would you mind if we took over the lounge for tonight?”  
Griffon nodded knowingly, ruffling Millie’s hair absentmindedly.   
Geoff handing Gavin a bev and collapsed onto the couch next to where Gavin sat with a tensely straight back and stared at nothing in particular.  
Geoff started with a cautious but forward question. “What do you want to do about this?”   
“I want to change his mind.”  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s all wrong, all so wrong. I gaffed it all up. I told him that he should ask her out but I didn’t think it’d go this far. I was sure… I was…”  
“You were sure of what, Gav?” Geoff moved himself closer to the man who was rapidly receding into the boy he was when they’d first met.  
“I was sure he wasn’t straight,” Gavin blurted.  
“Oh, Gavin,” Geoff sighed, “We all read into things so much that we see things that aren’t there.”   
He leaned in and took the small boy into his arms just like he’d take his daughter into his arms. That was Gavin’s last straw, his last shred of composure gone out the window and right in front of a moving car. His muscled trembled from their stiffness and a shiver wracked through his ribs up into his throat. It pushed outwards from there and Gavin had no hope of recollecting himself on his on now. Hot sticky tears came with a high pitched chocking groan as he tried to speak. Instead words just came out as unintelligible noises and, for once, he hated them. He despised the random assortments of vowels and consonants that his brain so recklessly strung together.   
“It’s okay, Gavin,” Geoff reassured. “I’ll help you get through this,” it was a promise that he so dearly hoped he’d be able to keep.  
“What do I do?”  
“Let’s start with a day off. A day to clear your head away from everybody at the office. You can figure out what you want to say to Michael. I’ll come home at lunch to check on you. How does that sound?” He angled Gavin’s head up from where he’d buried it in his own hands.   
Gavin simply nodded.  
“Good. Now give me your phone, you can’t ignore Michael all night or he’ll suspect that something’s up.”  
Gavin let out a shuddering breath, tears finally subsiding. “W-what are you going to say?”  
Geoff punched in a short message and turned the phone to face the boy in his arms. “Talk to me before you do anything.” Gavin nodded again and the message was sent.  
The two men spent most of the night playing video games while downing drink after drink. Neither of them could see straight by the time Geoff decided he’d better go to bed to get enough sleep for the next day. Gavin followed his lead and made his way to his own bedroom.   
As he lay alone in his cold bed, he wept in silent sorrow. His emotions were a mess. He felt like he was losing his mind; one minute he wanted to scream and have somebody punch him in the face and the next he wanted to be wrapped up in somebody’s arms and be cradled to sleep. Either way, he wanted it to be Michael doing it.  
He’d never felt ashamed of his sexuality, not once had he felt like he was in the wrong. However, now he felt as though he’d committed the worst of crimes because now, instead of just being in love with Michael… well, now he wanted to take away the woman that made him happy. He was greedy and childish. Cruel and unwanted. He was losing his grip on his best friend. He should be happy for Michael and Lindsay.  
He hauled himself across the room to a small mirror and stared into his own eyes.  
“Stop being a piss pot,” he growled at his reflection. “He’ll never love you. Why would he? He’s got Lindsay and you… we’ll you’re you. A man, a lad, a knob. You’re nothing to him.”  
He paused, staring into his vicious eyes, “You’re not important to him anymore.”  
And with that he collapsed back on his bed, tears prickling behind his eyes again.   
He cried himself to sleep that night.  
 


	2. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin was thrust from sleep in a cold sweat with a throbbing head and sticky eyes but despite the physical pain, he felt nothing. Now was the too long wait for Geoff to arrive home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I get going I just want to mention a couple of things.  
> Firstly: I just want to warn you all that there is homophobia in this first section (the italics only). It’s not heavy in terms of the slang used but it does have non-descriptive violence. Feel free to skip it if you’re triggered by such things.  
> Secondly: I apologise for the break. I was on holiday for two weeks and I’m having terrible issues with the internet currently.

_Gavin had got Michael to come to lunch with him alone somehow. They were sitting across from each other waiting for food still. He couldn’t remember what he’d ordered. He couldn’t even remember ordering but he knew he had done it at some point._  
 _“M-m-Micool?” There was something in his throat_  
 _“Yeah, Gavvy-wavvy?”_  
 _“You’re my friend no matter what? Right?”_  
 _“Are you getting al rom-com on me, boy? But yeah, Gav. Always.”_  
 _“I’ve… I’ve needed to tell you for a while now,” He stammered and looked down at the container of rice on the table. When had that gotten there? “I-I’m… I’m…”_  
 _“Spit it out boy,” Michael encouraged, like he knew what was coming._  
 _“I’m gay and I’m in love with you.” He looked up from his container of fried chicken… was it chicken?_  
 _Michael’s expression could only be described as revolted. “Fucking Christ! All this time I’ve mucked about and you’ve actually been in love with me?” Maybe he’s revolted in himself and is going to apologise for leading you on? “Fucking gross, Gavin. Get away from me!”_  
 _He was out of his chair and pushing through the crowd of people. Gavin ran after him and suddenly they were in the halls of the Rooster Teeth building._  
 _“Michael! Please!”_  
 _This time the younger man listened but not as Gavin had hoped. Michael was pressing his forearm to his neck and pinning him against the wall._  
 _“Never come near me again.”_  
 _There was somebody there now. Geoff. It was Geoff. Gavin felt relief wash over him. Geoff would make this right._  
 _“This little fucker just told me he’s gay. Isn’t that disgusting?”_  
 _Gavin gazed at Geoff with a face full of hope._  
 _“Yeah, I know. I guess it’s time to tell him his homeless too,” he said to Michael. He turned to Gavin now, “You can pick your shit up tonight from outside the house. I can’t have you around Millie. You might infect her with your gay.”_  
 _“It’s not a disease,” he tried yelling but Michael was cutting off his air._  
 _People started appearing out of nowhere. Jack, Ryan, Ray, Burnie, Gus and everybody else but the person who stood out the most was Lindsay._  
 _“Trying to steal my man? Well it didn’t work out to well for you, did it?” She spat at his feet, “Homo.”_  
 _The words echoed around. People were crowding and chanting it to him. Michael took a swing at his gut and he was on the floor. And then everybody was on him. They kicked him and pushed him down as he tried to scrabble away. They were yelling profanities, yelling about how he must love wearing dresses and about how he was supposedly infectious. All the while Geoff just stood by and watched with a smug smile._  
 _“You better not come back to work, Gay-vin. Next time I might not let you walk away from this,” Michael whispered directly into his ear. “Next time you’re a dead man."_  
…  
Gavin was thrust from sleep in a cold sweat with a throbbing head and sticky eyes. His sleep had been as unpleasant as his night; his mind had riddled his sleep with nightmares, scenario after scenario, each once somehow worse than the last.

Needless to say, he’d woken up more exhausted than when he’d fallen asleep. A dull prickle snaked from his fingertips and toes right into his core but despite the physical pain, he felt nothing. Gavin was numb. His eyes tingled with the sensation of tears but he didn’t feel sad. He didn’t feel anything. No anger, no heartache, no hatred, nothing. Just numb.  
He warily pressed his ear to the wood of his door and listened for the sounds of life. Maybe if he could just hear Millie giggle or see Geoff say goodbye to his family for the day he’d be just that little bit happier. Or maybe at least, just that little bit less numb.  
Hesitantly, Gavin stepped from his room to find out that he’d been left on his own. Why should that be an issue? He wasn’t 10 years old, he was 25. He could take care of himself without Geoff’s help. And with the last few syllables of the thought echoing through his mind Gavin suddenly felt embarrassed by his dependence on Geoff last night.  
He paced around the house watching his feet take every ginger step. His skin clicking against the flooring and the incessant screaming of his thoughts created the soundtrack to his otherwise silent morning.  
Within the hour, Gavin was stood before the television, controller in hand staring into the starting screen of GTA. He was reluctant to start up the Xbox at all but suspicions would rise from his co-workers if he didn’t. They’d already know that he was sick, Geoff would have told them, but if they didn’t see him online they might get worried and message him with their concern. The thought of them intruding in on private matters repelled Gavin. He would have given anything to not have to talk to anybody ever again.  
But there he was, pacing about the room with a controller in his hands while he rehearsed what he’d say to Michael over and over, knowing that he’d probably never gather the courage to say them aloud.  
. . .  
By the time feeling had returned to his body from his endless pacing it was an hour shy of Geoff getting off work for lunch. He’d given up on gaming hours ago; playing most games reminded him of work, which reminded him of the office, which reminded him of Michael.  
Michael, who sat beside him every day. Michael, who joined in on his faffing about. Michael, who laughed with him as well as at him. Michael, who’s dark auburn hair fell into waves that could never quite be so perfectly duplicated in his memories. Michael, whose lips shaped his name like nobody else could. Michael, who Gavin had too long wistfully gazed at without acting upon his impulses.  
There was a knock at the door. Odd but not unheard of. Geoff must have forgotten his keys or something.  
Gavin practically leaped over the back of the sofa and galloped to the door.  
He braced himself before he hit it.  
He took a breath.  
Re-composed.  
Another breath. Slow. Steady. Controlled.  
He wasn’t this little kid. He wasn’t the 10 year old who would leap around the house at the thought of his father coming home. Geoff wasn’t even his father. He was nowhere close. Just a man who he lived and worked with. A house mate. A work mate. Nothing more.  
Gavin brushed at the uncooperative creases in his shirt, took a final deep breath and unlatched the door.  
The first thing Gavin laid his eyes on was the deep auburn curls that plagued his mind just moments ago.  
“Michael,” his mouth curved around the name hesitantly.  
Geoff’s head peeked around from behind the door frame, “I’m so fucking sorry, Gavin. I couldn’t get him to stay behind.”  
“I fucking knew something was up, idiots.”  
His voice sounded sure and confident but the soft curves of his face betrayed his speech. The man before him was confused and, behind the hard focused eyes, Gavin saw what could only be described as minged off.  
“Geoff kept saying that you were sick. The others may have been fooled but he kept saying it.” He mimicked Geoff boldly, waving his arms about frantically before he crossed the threshold, shoving Gavin out of the way as he passed.  
“I needed you last night. You’re my boy, Gav. I wanted your help and then you don’t show up at work?”  
Gavin looked to Geoff for anything; a smile, a gesture, some sort of clue as to what he should say. Geoff merely shrugged as a solemn frown crept onto his face before he dropped his eyes to stare at his own shoelaces. “I failed you,” was the only message Gavin could read from him.  
“Michael, I don’t know what to say…”  
“How ‘bout telling me what the fuck is up with you?”  
Michael dropped himself onto Geoff’s couch, eyes taking in the mountain of bottles that Geoff and Gavin had consumed last night and deducing.  
Gavin stood frozen at the door, staring blankly into the bare wall, “I just… I just didn’t know what to say to you and make it sound like a legitimate reason not to do it.”  
There he’d said it.  
His chest felt tight. He was holding his breath. He was running out of air but no matter how hard he concentrated he couldn’t get his bloody lungs to gulp in that desperately needed air. His body felt heavy and light, both at the same time. It was like he was going to collapse towards the ground but never hit it because he was floating; a constant stalemate between gravity and flight. He was hot. He was cold. He was… He was… He was panicking.  
“Gavin, you alright?” Geoff cooed.  
Had Michael been talking just now? Gavin honestly couldn’t remember. He was still stuck to the spot and now everybody was crowding around him. He gasped at air that was far too stuffy.  
“You look pale, buddy,” said Geoff’s voice but it sounded far away now.  
There were hands pushing him, Geoff’s hands, thank Christ. He led the catatonic boy across the room and shoved him down into a chair. A firm hand was pressed to his forehead which, despite feeling like it was flaming to Gavin, was apparently quite cool to anybody else.  
Michael’s voice sounded from nowhere, echoing loudly about the room, “What can I do?”  
Geoff spun on his heel to face the younger man, his face fell from concern to rage in the split second it took him to turn around. “You, Michael Jones, do not do anything. You’ve done enough and for all I care, I’d move you out of the office or at least swap you with Ray but he won’t want that, he’s bad enough without me interfering. Go. I’ll call you when you’re allowed back in this house because I’m not having this. I’m not having him breaking down while you’re oblivious to everything.”  
“Just tell me what’s going on,” Michael pleaded. Gavin couldn’t see his face but there was something raw about the way he’d said those words, like he knew it was all his fault somehow.  
But it wasn’t his fault, was it? It was Gavin being selfish. He wanted Michael for himself even when Michael didn’t want him. He was ashamed to feel the way he did but he couldn’t stop.  
He’d tried a few times. He’d flirted with both girls and boys in clubs on the rare occasion that he was on his own but it had never really worked; every time he got close he remembered his best friend sitting at the desk next to him and munged it.  
By the time he’d thoroughly explored the thought, even with his mind racing at the speed of light, Michael had left and Geoff was returning from the kitchen.  
Geoff handed him a can of coke, “Has it ever been this bad?”  
Gavin shook his head slightly and took a hefty gulp of coke.  
“I so sorry, Gav,” Geoff sighed. He cautiously lowered himself onto the coffee table opposite Gavin. “I tried to convince him not to come, I really did. I didn’t know it was going to be this bad. I thought you were just upset because of those fucking texts last night, I mean we were pretty drunk. I had no idea, I should have seen it before, I sh-”  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
“It does though. And if you think I’m going to just let you fucking piss around here for the next few days then you don’t know me.”  
“Geo-“  
“No, I’m going to help you fix things between you and Michael if it’s the last fucking thing I do.”  
“How? If I freaked out this time, how’s it going to be when he doesn’t want to talk to me again?”  
“You really think Michael will never talk to you again?”  
“He’s got Lindsay. Why would he EVER need me?”


	3. Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael, I’ve needed to talk to you about something important for a while now and I’ve put it off for far too long. Can we meet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you comment, I know it's spelled "boi" I just can't bring myself to do it.

            Every arduous second of the rest of the day was filled with Geoff’s gentle coaxing.

            Gavin had lost count of how many times he had thrust his phone away in feign protest but Geoff had seen through the façade each and every time. It was almost as though he could sense the foreboding feeling that coursed through Gavin’s veins each time his skin came into contact with the palm sized object because he simply scooped it from the table and told him that it was just a phone.

Geoff kept repeating the same few sentences, worded slightly differently each time. All he seemingly had to offer was that Michael desperately wanted to stay and that Michael cared about him. At first they sounded like lies, but now Gavin wasn’t so sure.

            “It was me who forced him to go. He’s probably sitting there waiting for a text,” Geoff said, like that guaranteed anything. His large hands pressed the phone into Gavin’s shaking palm again. “We’ve already typed it out. You just have to send it.”

            Gavin stared at the black screen until his eyes blurred and his vision was filled with the image of Michael sitting at his desk staring into his own phone. Maybe Geoff was right. Maybe Michael was waiting for him to text first. Maybe.

            He clicked the home button and the screen lit up. One text. Geoff was right. One text couldn’t end the world.

            He read it aloud once more for good measure, “Michael, I’ve needed to talk to you about something important for a while now and I’ve put it off for far too long. Can we meet?”

            Geoff had assured him that it was fine. They’d written it together and reviewed it together.

            “But what if he brings L-Lindsay?” He knew she was a perfectly kind and caring person but the thought of her next to Michael filled him with a toxic cocktail of fear and jealously and there was no telling if he was more frightened of her or himself.

            Geoff snorted out his stifled laughter. “Michael might be an idiot sometimes but he’s not THAT dumb. You already told him it had to do with her. He won’t bring her, he’s not heartless.”

            Gavin peered at the send button glowing beneath his thumb and, this time without hesitation, he let his finger touch the glass. He watched the blue bar as it crawled across the screen, taking the message with it as it went.

            “There I did it.” He’d barely finished saying it when Michael replied.

            “Thank god. I was getting worried boy. When? Where?”

            Gavin relayed the message and waited for Geoff’s instruction.

            “Well, as soon as possible would be for the best for all of us. And we do this where ever you feel most comfortable.”

            “Here,” this was more of a home these days than England was. The Ramsey’s had become like his second family and he’d spent some of the best years of his life with them.

            “Alright, let’s send this thing.”

            Gavin released a slow, controlled breath but it shuddered with his anxiousness. He dropped his thumb onto the send button and watched it go again.

            Now all that was left to do was await Michael’s unpredictable reply.

…

Despite both Geoff and Gavin’s predictions, Michael was knocking on the door not five minutes from the time the text had been sent.

Geoff had said he’d come after work and seemed adamant of it. However, Gavin wagered that his auburn haired, former friend wouldn’t come around at all.

Geoff rose from his seat and murmured, “Somebody didn’t go back to work,” to nobody in particular.

Gavin reached out to the older man, tugging on his sleeve like a toddler with his mother. “You’re going to stay here, aren’t you?” Gavin watched Geoff as he warily eyed the door. “You’re not going to leave?” Gavin’s breath was already beginning to fall short.

“Of course I’m going to stay, Gav.”

The rapping on the door abruptly turned into frantic drumming.

“Guys?” Michael’s voice was tense.

Gavin let go of the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and nodded to Geoff.

Rhythm. He need needed to find a rhythm to breathe to.

Everything became so loud.

The knocking echoed in between his ears. Geoff’s footsteps were deafening. His own heartbeat thundered in his chest, pushing against his ribcage and threatening to break free.

_Breathe Gavin._

The door came ajar agonisingly slowly and Michael burst through it even slower. Gavin had worked in slow motion capture for long enough that he’d become accustomed to the effect but this was something else entirely. Ghostly images wavered in the wake of each and every motion. He watched in stupefaction as they reverberated from Michael’s skin and collided with the visible echoes of the still swinging door.

“You alright Gav?”

He was flung back into reality, time pulsing forward like watching lag on a screen. The sensation resulted in a pressing weight on his lungs as the air escaped his body in a single gasp.

_Quick say something._

“I just lagged out,” it sounded so strange out loud but it was the only description his mind was willing to construct. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure, Gav? I can come back?” Michael’s voice rang with distress.

Gavin’s eyes were studying his Michael’s face now.

No, not his Michael.

Lindsay had Michael.

Michael was hers.

There was a wrinkle between Michael’s eye brows where the skin had warped to make way for his expression. His mouth was pulled down at the corners and his body was rigid. But he wasn’t angry and he wasn’t sad. With what minimal brain capacity Gavin still had access to, he assessed his friend. Michael was distraught and why that should be was just one step too far for his uncooperative brain.

“Stay,” he had to do this now or it’d get worse. He knew that much.

…

They were all seated in the living room by the time the conversation started; Michael next to Gavin on the settee and Geoff on the coffee table. Each of them held a beer in their hand but Geoff was the only one actually drinking. Gavin was too scared that the lump in his throat was going to make him choke on the fizzy liquid and that he’d be too much of a donut to just spit it out again. But he couldn’t understand why Michael hadn’t even taken a sip yet.

It was Michael who broke the silence, “Boy?”

Gavin sat for a second, memorising the way Michael had said the pet name that was reserved only for him; mostly because he didn’t expect to hear it ever again once all this was over. He was never quite content with the way Michael sounded in his mind but it was the best he could do to hold onto the memory of his soon to be former best friend.

“I have to tell you something. I’ve put it off for far too long,” he recited, paraphrasing the text Michael had already read.

Michel was surprisingly patient with him. Letting Gavin pause while he organised phrases into some sort of intelligible sentence. He didn’t even seem to be the least bit annoyed when Gavin started his speech for the sixth time after spewing out a jumble of half formed words.

“We’ve been friends for a while, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’ve always trusted you. Always. But I’ve just been so… so terrified of telling you… m-maybe you’d think I was a mingy spaff and leave… It’s not right… I’m munging everything… I’m all over the gaff,” The last few parts of his frankly deranged speech were directed towards Geoff.

“Go on buddy,” Geoff offered.

He had to do this quick. It’d be like ripping off a plaster, only magnified to the extreme. It was going to hurt like hell for the first little while but then everything would be better; this would all blow over and things would go back to what they were before. Michael would be happy, Geoff would be happy and Gavin wouldn’t, but then again, he didn’t really matter.

“Michael… I’m… I’m gay.”

There was a pause, then Michael’s hand was rising and Gavin was thrust into the world of real life lag again. He watch the hand soar through the air towards him, towards the side of his face. It was like his dreams, like all his worst nightmares expect this time there was no waking up, no escape.

His eyes squeezed shut, clenched jaw and braced for impact but it never came.

Instead Michael’s fist went past his face. At first he assumed it to be an overshot punch and braced again but the hand kept traveling. The arm wrapped around his neck and pulled him towards his friend’s body. Gavin’s body was still stiff when Michael rested his head on his shoulder.

“I understand why you were so scared to tell me but you gotta remember, you’re my boy.”

Michael’s broad hand was now patting a space between his shoulder blades. Gavin’s body fell from rigidity, muscles slackening until he was leaning into Michael. And through the newly found tranquillity of his body came something else. His eyes flared with warmth and flooded with tears so different from the ones he’d been shedding silently in the dark for the past year. They were a concoction of pure joy and relief that tickled at his eyelids so pleasantly. They didn’t burn, they didn’t prickle or stab. They were peaceful and welcomed.

“You’re my boy,” Michael repeated. He moved away so that Gavin could see his smiling face.

He’d done it. It’d gone far better than expected. He was on top of the world. Tippy toppers.

“I’m going back to work,” Geoff announced, “I got to check how fucking far behind we’ve gotten today. You two can stay here.”

Gavin didn’t bother replying, he just smiled giddily at Michael for quite some time. And for that time he was content to drink his beer and bask in happiness and acceptance.

“I can’t believe you thought this would change anything. You’re such an idiot,” Michael voiced endearingly. He downed the last of his beer in a single gulp.

“You know me,” Gavin replied, also draining his bottle. “I’m a bit of a donut.”

“You’re really brave for telling me, you know that right?” His voice was more serious now but his smile was still wide and, if Gavin wasn’t mistaken, proud.

Gavin couldn’t respond, he was just so overwhelmed with the joyful though that all of this might be over.

“Oh fucking hell, come here,” Michael pushed himself forward again and pulled Gavin into another embrace.

The hug was closer this time. Gavin relaxed into Michael’s strong arms and let his head flop lazily on his shoulder. He could feel the breadth of Michael’s palm cupping just underneath where his warm, rhythmic breath brushed against the cotton of his shirt.

“I love you,” he sighed.

The words just slipped from his lips. He had no control. They hadn’t even gone through his brain before his tongue had so ruthlessly shaped the words.

The moment when Gavin realised what he’d just said was the same moment when his stomach jumped into his mouth. An acidic bullet hung in his throat as he propelled himself backwards. He slipped off the arm of the sofa and scrabbled blindly towards the bathroom on all fours. He could barely find grip on the ground and his efforts were in no way aided by the fact that his legs were operating like over cooked spaghetti. As soon as his palms felt the smooth coolness of the bathroom tiles he slammed the door, letting the sound echo through the house.

What had he done?

He’d just let three of the most important words slip from his lips in Michael’s earshot. That’s what he’d done.

            He flung his head over the seat of the toilet. The world was spinning out of control. Gravity pulled at his limbs, knocking him to the floor but he kept his head locked over the bowl of the toilet while his empty stomach sent only slightly watered down acid into his throat. He gagged each time it hit the back of his tongue as he tried to project the horrid, burning fluid from behind his teeth.

            It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes while Gavin’s stomach emptied itself of its contents, leaving him retching into the murky waters but if felt like an eternity. The moments passed by, however, and he found himself able to stand just long enough to flush the toilet and douse his face with ice cold water before he collapsed again with his back against the door.

            Gavin considered relocating himself. Perhaps he’d hide in his bedroom and cacoon himself in his duvet or maybe he could escape to a club or bar and drink himself senseless enough to get somebody else to shag him. Maybe he’d get over Michael if he did that. Surely he would have left as soon as Gavin professed his love to him and it was safe to leave.

            Just to be sure, he pressed his ear to the wood of the door. But there was a voice. Michael’s voice.

            “Hey, Lindsay… yeah, I’m okay I guess…”

            Bollocks.

            Gavin pressed his ear to the wood a little harder. He couldn’t hear Lindsay so Michael must have been on the phone to her. Either way, he wasn’t overly happy about what was going on.

            “Look, I’m going to have to skip dinner tonight. Something important’s come up… yes, more important than that,” he sighed audibly, “You know what I mean, don’t take this the wrong way.”

            Gavin creaked open the door a little to spy on Michael who had his head bowed to look at his feet. His auburn curls cascaded downwards, distorting his face. And to Gavin’s surprise, he hadn’t moved an inch from where he was sat earlier.

            “I-I can’t tell you,” he stuttered, eyes flicking to look straight at Gavin. His eyes gazed at him softly. “It’s not up to me. Look, I’ll see you tomorrow. I gotta go.” He flicked his phone onto the settee cushions and hauled himself to his feet and towards Gavin.

Double bollocks.

Instinctively, Gavin slammed the door again.

            “Come on, Gav, don’t do this to me,” his voice almost pleading.

            “I’m sorry,” Gavin atoned, “Go out with Lindsay.”

            “Don’t be sorry,” he reassured. “Please, Gav, just open the door and talk to me.”

            He’d already buggered everything. What more could he do by opening the door? What choice did he have anyway? It didn’t sound like Michael was planning to leave any time soon.

            He stepped back and pulled the door inwards. He was now face to face with a messy haired and ever perfect Michael while Gavin had the ugliest cry face and probably still smelled like spew.

            “You need to be with Lindsay, not with me.”

            “Why?”

            “Wot?”

            “Why?” He repeated, “Why should I be with Lindsay and not you?”

            It was a test. Gavin was sure of it. The words “you should be with the one you love” crossed his mind and he even considered saying them. In fact, if Michael hadn’t spoken first, he might have actually said that.

            “Look, Gav, you’ve always been so fucking important to me and now I know why you don’t want me to ask Lindsay to marry me. I’m a fucking asshole because… You left me and pushed me towards her. So I compensated instead of… Instead of doing what I wanted... I’m too blind and dumb to even believe it now.”

            “What?”

            There were too many words coming out of Michael’s mouth. Too many words and not enough finished sentences that Gavin couldn’t draw meaning from. He knew that those words would be fine and understandable to any other human ears but to his they were the equivalent of his own banter to his American friends.

            Michael was watching him emotionlessly. He was watching his every movement.

Come on, Gavin. Say something.

Just say something.

But Michael sighed heavily. “I’ve gotta go. Gotta sort my fucking head out.”

He turned to leave and Gavin let him do it. Let him walk away. Just for a few steps before he stretched out a slender arm, wrapping his fingers around Michael’s wrist and tugging him backwards.

It was all a blur. He hadn’t planned it. He’d just wanted to make sure his best friend was still his best friend but then Michael was stepping closer than they’d ever stood. He was on him before Gavin had time to figure out what was going on, Michael’s hands were pulling his face down to his. The inch of their height that separated their lips closed.

“For a second there I thought you were just gonna let me leave,” he breathed just millimetres away from Gavin’s mug.

Michael’s lips pushed roughly on to his. Their foreheads collided at first but Michael nudged his way around until their lips locked like they should. There was a short fight for control over the kiss before Gavin backed down and let Michael drive the kiss into something he’d never experienced before. Michael’s lips were more chapped than he’d imagined but toppers all the same and they sent these inexplicable surges throughout his entire body that left him craving more and more for each touch.

The kiss was utterly exhilarating but after some time, the adrenaline started to recede just enough for Gavin to become self-conscious. His nose was far too big, it prodded into Michael’s cheek like a lance and he was all too aware that he didn’t rinse his mouth out after the bout in the bathroom. But Michael was the one leading him. If he had noticed, which he inevitably had, he was too preoccupied to do anything about it.

Gavin suddenly became aware of his hands again. One was still wrapped around Michael’s wrist and squeezing so hard he was probably cutting off all circulation. The other was sandwiched between their chests, strangling a fistful of Michael’s jumper. He pulled him closer still.

Michael’s mouth opened ever so slightly and he exhaled a long, airy breath over Gavin’s already swelling lips. He could almost taste the scent of beer on his breath.

He leaned back slightly, just enough so that he could see Gavin’s face and Gavin could see his. His eyes darted over every curve of his face and along his lengthy nose back up to his eyes. He ran the pad of his thumb upward across Gavin’s cheekbone a few times, seemingly awed by what had just happened.

“Now I really gotta go,” he breathed, but he just continued to stand there, hand on Gavin’s face, caressing his cheek.

Gavin released the grip he had on Michael’s jumper and eased his hold on his wrist. He let himself melt into the simplest of touches and savoured the moment.

Michael stopped massaging Gavin’s cheek with hesitance. “If I don’t leave now, I’ll never leave,” he resigned.

“You don’t have to leave,” prompted Gavin.

Michael simply breathed a saddened smile, “You don’t know how much I wish that was true, Gavvy.”

He hesitated one final time before leaving to plant a single kiss on Gavin’s cheek.

 


	4. Cornered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff set Gavin up for a fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for leaving this fic. I've just started uni and it's full on.

Gavin couldn’t wait for Geoff to get home. He wanted to babble on about every single detail, even the most unimportant ones (not that they weren’t important to Gavin). Geoff would pretend that he didn’t care what had happened as usual but he’d crack, Gavin was sure of it. And undoubtedly, he would have told Griffon each and every tiny aspect of what was going on but right now Gavin was too gleeful to even care if his secret was out. And what’s more, is that he actually wanted to come clean about the whole mental event  
It had been so long since he had seen happiness but he could see it now, it was impossible to miss it. He could see the end of the tunnel and the golden sunlight was blinding in a way that filled him with a strange joy. And so, when he let himself fall into his duvet, relaxed and at peace with himself, he drifted into a much welcomed sleep.  
It was Geoff who woke him from his slumber.   
“Hey buddy,” his voice was soft, his eyes hopeful but fearing the worst, “uh… there’s some food outside if you’re hungry,” he paused, unsure, “you don’t have to come out if you don’t want to, I’ll bring it in here if that’s better for you.”  
Gavin was almost tempted to let Geoff bring him his meal but the gesture was just so raw and charitable he just didn’t feel right taking advantage of him like that.   
“Everything’s okay, Geoff,” Gavin consoled. “I mean it’s better than okay, it’s toppers.”  
Geoff’s shoulders rose as a mellow smile crept across his face. “I was right then?”  
Gavin sighed playfully, “Yeah.” Geoff always seemed to get it right which made bets utterly annoying. “Yeah, you were.”  
“You’re telling me what happened later.”  
. . .  
Geoff set him up for a fall for the next morning.   
“He might ignore you, God knows what he’s dealing with right now. He might even act angrily and you know how that story goes. Don’t take it to heart. Act like you normally do, we’re recording today. Don’t talk to Lindsay unless she talks to you.” He relayed everything with certainty.  
Gavin nodded, making a mental list that he’d no doubt forget as soon as he saw Michael. He could barely take his mind off the kiss now let alone when he actually saw Michael.  
“I’m going to have a word with Michael the moment he gets to work and make sure he’s not going to do anything stupid. Don’t put him under pressure, I have no idea what he’ll do.”  
The day, however, didn’t follow the routine of what Geoff had described. Michael was like he always was; he joked and feigned flirting when they recorded, nothing seemed amiss until they were off camera. He stopped acting happy, avoiding Lindsay every time she passed by, diving around corners and tried to look as though he’d forgotten something in another room.   
It was only part way through his lunchbreak when he was cornered by Lindsay. She just seemed perplexed by him, nothing else; no anger, concern or heartbreak. She was asking questions, a rapid fire of inquiries and Michael was receding further and further into the walls. It was obvious he was distraught, his face said it all, but Gavin got the feeling that Lindsay didn’t realise.   
He didn’t plan to do anything, Geoff told him not to talk to Lindsay and not to stress Michael, but his best friend and future lover was looking more and more like a kitten stuck in the highest branches of a tree. Michael’s wide eyes flicked to him, realising his presence and pleading with him. It was the deciding factor for Gavin’s interjection.   
“Oi, you gammy little donut! Stop faffing about, we were supposed to be at the meeting ten minutes ago!” He strode forward and wrapped his fingers around Michael’s wrist. He looked to Lindsay, “Can’t let my boy be fired, can I?” He laughed as realistically as he could and dragged Michael away. Gavin only released his grip from around Michael’s wrist once they’d reached the car park.  
“Fuck… Thanks Gav,” He puffed heavily and heaved in another breath. His back slackened and his shoulders dropped. It was all too obvious that Michael wasn’t as happy about last night’s events as he was.  
“We may as well get lunch now, I’ll call Geoff on the way there…” He needed to reinforce their alibi, Michael copping it more than he had to was the first thing on Gavin’s list of things to not do.   
Michael chose where to eat and that Geoff was to meet them there, he’d even gone to the trouble of asking for his order. The restaurant was a bit fancier than Gavin had expected but this was a fake meeting after all and none of their offsite meetings took place in taco bell of pizza places so at least it was believable.   
When they’d first walked in and queued up to be seated, Gavin had to physically restrain himself from making a joke about “Mavin”. There was no way Michael was going to be that comfortable with all of this; it’d taken him quite some time so learn to deal with it himself.   
He’d almost recovered from is urge to make a distasteful joke when they were finally seated. Gavin slid into the booth feeling composed and relaxed, but then there was Michael, perfect Michael, sliding in on the same side. He sat away until the waitress turned her back and then he made his move, scooting closer to Gavin until their shoulders brushed together ever so lightly. There was a tingle of electricity every time Michael’s skin pressed against his, every time Michael’s elbow poked into his side.   
He couldn’t take it anymore. Not when every breath seemed so bafflingly sensual. He turned to face Michael to find cinnamon eyes already gleaming back at him. Their faces were so close that their noses almost touched and Michael’s face blurred into a still, somehow, perfect form.  
Michael bit his lip nervously and tilted his head up slightly. His breath flitted across Gavin’s lips, enticing him in but he didn’t dare move. Something deep inside of him wanted to draw this out for as long as possible.   
He ghosted his lips above Michael’s, brushing their flesh together minutely. Michael lurched forward, trying to find some sort of friction, a proper touch, anything, but Gavin merely shifted further away.   
He pressed his forehead to Michael’s and let his eyes fall shut. In this way he could control everything, he had the high ground. No matter what Michael did, no matter how much he lurched and twisted, they were always kept apart by the shape of their skulls.   
“You’re such a fucking mong,” Michael whispered, half laughing, half growling.   
“Desperate are we?” Gavin teased.  
He shifted ever so slightly so that his lips skimmed Michael’s again. This time, however, he didn’t pull away, he lingered there with their lips barely touching and let out a slow, controlled breath. Michael’s intake of air shook with an almost silent moan that lingered on his lips.   
“Oi, lovebirds!”  
Both boys started as Geoff dumped his satchel onto one of the spare seats and sat on the other. He looked more than amused at having interrupted their moment.   
“What’s going on?” He almost chuckled when the two boy separated themselves as though their parents had just walked in on them.   
There was no point in lying, “Michael got cornered by Lindsay.”  
Geoff sighed, bowing his head. “I told you not to interfere, Gavin.”  
“And I couldn’t just leave him there!” He snapped a little too loudly. Was that child over there staring at him?  
“You told her it was a meeting we had?”  
Gavin hesitated, “Yeah, one with you…”  
“Okay,” Geoff sighed heavily. “I can work with that. But just this one time. I can’t leave the office every lunch hour and I definitely can’t leave during the rest of the day. You two are going to have to figure something out.”  
“We can,” Gavin blurted.  
Michael didn’t seem as convinced of this as Gavin did. His gaze was fixed intently on an indentation in the table.  
“I haven’t even come out to Lindsay yet.”  
“You don’t need to rush yourself, Michael. Just do what you feel comfortable doing.”  
“No, that’s not the point. I can’t even look at her right now. I don’t know…” his breath caught a little, “I don’t know what I am… There’s so many labels and I don’t know which I fit under. Am I gay? Am I bi? Am I something else? I just don’t know.”  
Gavin rested his hand on Michael’s knee. “If it’s any consolation, I used to think I was bi while I was still in England but moving here, away from my family in England, I figured out I wasn’t.”  
“Sometimes I wish I was gay so that I’d have a foolproof excuse to leave Lindsay and be with you. I don’t want to hurt her.”  
“Take your time, Michael,” Geoff offered, “There’s no rush and I’ll help out as much as I can but you have to understand that this is between you three, not me and not the company.”  
Michael nodded wearily. He didn’t like it when Geoff started acting like a real boss rather than the laid back man he usually was. Serious Geoff was a man that should never be meddled with or defied.  
There was a long silence between the end of that conversation and their food arriving at the table. As soon as the plates were passed about the table, the tension in the air lifted tremendously.  
Gavin offered the first topic for conversation, “So what Let’s Plays are on this afternoon?”  
The simple question sent Geoff on a wild rant about the various games they had to play in the next few hours; a relaxing topic compared to the one they had earlier.  
They sat in the restaurant for almost an hour and during every single second of that time Gavin’s hand rested peacefully on Michael’s knee.


End file.
